What do I know about this game prior to installing it?
NOTHING.
My men over at Shroud Unlimited sent me on a reconnaisance mision to gather as much intel about the magical world of Eutopia as possible.
So what do we know of this world? It's 2D. It's oldschool. It's hardcore. Does it even have non-consensual PvP and full loot? We're about to find out. Stay tuned.
I have a feeling I've already tried the game. But I have no memories of it whatsoever. Only shadows in the distant corner of the mind.
They have a Regular server, a Permadeath server, No Grind server as well as a few others. Where's the PvP at? Regular? Let's see.
Ok..lot's of fantasy races including skeletUns. No typo. *meh*...
Lot's of typical fantasy classes....not gonna list them here, after all noone is paying me for the fucking review. No thief, tho.
I chose mage. Here we go:
And here comes the fockin thing I hate the most. Tutorials. Newbie islands. Whatever. Instead of being thrown into the real world, I start in some shitty newbie area and hove to do some shitty delivery quest.
This game already reeks. It will be hard to convince me otherwise. And the music is some rock shit mixed with diablo-esuqe tunes.
So I apparently had no spells to cast and got owned by some fuckin rats. Lol so gay. Rats owning me in like ten seconds. Nice newbie area, gimme more of that shite.
It told me to press Alt+F1 to res but it didn't do shit. Nice. I'm loving this game even more. Instead of ressing me, it's binding a torch to F1. Cool stuff.
Ok, I managed to res somehow...and I picked up my corpse, which is now in my inventory. The game stinks. It even stinks for a game that would be made 20 years ago. I refuse to believe that its fucking developers couldnt make it more player-friendly. Just look at that inventory on the right. What is that, 1980? And mind you, I've been playing roguelikes in ASCII for years. Im not some carebear princess that sees this shite for the first time.
Anyway, I tried to run past the rats. They chased me. I entered some dungeon or whatever it was. They were still on my tail. I went trough some wooden doors. Turned out rats were just as good at opening doors.Died again. Couldn't kill shite with my staff, didnt have any spells to cast.
It's literally a 1/10 game. This coming from a dude who is used to playing shit like Realm of the Mad God and Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup. The game doesn't stink, it fucking REEKS of shit. It's not even hilarious.
Uhm. It turned out I cant just bump into the rat. This doesnt make the character attack it. I have to actually click it with the mouse. And I can walk using the mouse, too. Game is still dumb as shit.
Well, well, lookie here. "History of New Sosaria". You don't have to open it and read it cause by this time you know New Sosaria must be shit.
Some more pointless running around, struggling with the controls, fightint green shits, I die again... I think it's all self-explanatory.
Till next time!
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